Is It Cancer? The OB Follow-up

As many of you know, and I suppose some of you don't, I had an abnormal PAP in August, and then a Colposcopy that came back as "High Grade Squamous Intraepithelial Lesion". Just so you are up to par, here is the definition:
HSIL. A precancerous condition in which the cells of the uterine cervix are moderately or severely abnormal. Also called HSIL.

That led to me going in a few days later for an outpatient procedure knows as a Cone Biopsy. 10 days after said procedure, I went back to the doctor for my follow-up appt. I was feeling so much better, just knowing that all those nasty bad cells were out of me, albeit tender. (Stand Back, dear husband - for I might beat you with a wet noodle, should you come too close!) SO, I did my "thing" and hopped up on the table with my "sheet" and waited for my doctor. She's a wonderful lady who I have been going to for years. Very gentle, soft spoken, yet direct, with a quiet sense of humor. On this day, there was no humor.

I knew from the moment the word "unfortunately" came out of her mouth, that the news was not great. I sat dumbfounded for a few moments, and then quietly asked her to repeat everything she had just said. I'm sure I looked like a dear in the headlights when she was explaining it to me. The "unfortunately" was followed by - "didn't get it all" and "abnormal cells to the edge of the tissue that was biopsied". Next step? Another follow-up Pap in 3 months. Why so long? you may ask. The area of the cervix where the tissue was removed takes a long time to regenerate and heal. So the waiting began. I cried a lot at first - I just wanted all the stuff out of me. Looking back, I think I went through a "fatal Hiatal" stage where I was convinced that I deserved this and, although I knew I wouldn't die from it, I certainly deserved the worst case scenario.

That was 3 months ago.

Today was another follow-up to the last follow-up (that was a follow-up to the biopsy - stay with me).

My first question is this: Why is it, whenever I have one of "those" appointments, I can't stop sweating? I mean, I showered the night before, hosed off again in the morning, groomed all the necessary parts (since when did shaving your legs become a "necessary" part? I wasn't getting a pedicure), powdered, deodorized, and just plain freshened up. Only to get into the car and start sweating! UGH! I try to convince myself that it's really no big deal. I mean, every woman has to do it, and frankly, after what I've been through, it should be routine. But it's not. I don't care how many times a year you have to go, it's just never going to be routine, kwim?

Well, I get there, 5 minutes late (not bad, for me!) and the first question they ask is always "can you leave a urine sample?" Good Grief, I don't know! Sometimes it works on command, sometimes not, but I'll certainly give it a try! Thanks for asking. I know I'm not great at a lot of things, but again, a urine sample is no big deal. So, question number two is: Why can't I go in the cup without going all over the toilet and myself? It's like, once I decide, "Hey, I'm gonna go! WhooHoo!", the stream breaks into 5 separate streams, and I'm left trying to catch 1 of them. No way being cool trying to walk out of the bathroom and down the hall with a cup of urine. Don't even try.

Question number 3 arises once I'm in the room. Why the sheet? I mean, it's really just a giant paper towel, right? I'm not a huge person, but I'm no small potato either, and that darn paper sheet simply does not cover anything. Frankly, I'd rather use it to cover my face when the doctor comes in, cuz there ain't no hiding once you're up in the stirrups, is there?

And my final question is this: HOW MUCH FARTHER CAN I SCOOT TO THE EDGE, BEFORE FALLING OFF!??!!! I know you've wondered before too. Don't try to fool yourself.

Anyway, just a few tangents and thoughts that have recently passed through my head. Back to the appointment.

So, my lovely doctor says "oops! I'll be back. We are doing a little "extra" today and I need another tool" OH Goodie! Another Tool. Sounds absolutely fascinating.

Back in position. Speculum comes out, then goes in. Oh, nope, not yet. Here, let's try again. Nope, ain't happening baby. How 'bout one more time. Hmmm, Doc needs a new angle. Okay, how 'bout prop up the bottom of the bed, and try just one... more... time. Well, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the speculum is not supposed to be painful. However, what I've learned is that everything is just a "little uncomfortable" after the biopsy. I really don't know why. Honestly.

Then I get the actual warning "this might be a little..." "OUCH!!! What in the WORLD are you doing down there!?!" I think. This is the point where you try not to lift your feet from the stirrups and KICK your doctor upside the head! So I grabbed onto the table and just tried to figure out if whatever happened, was going to happen again. Thank goodness, the answer was no. I did have to ask, though, if she was cutting pieces out of me. She assured me she wasn't. However, instead of this being a regular PAP, she actually had to insert the 18" long Q-Tip swab thing into the cervix and scrape the edge. If you are lucky enough to have never had this done, just imagine a 6" diameter Dowel being shoved in your back door. NO, I don't mean the sliding door to your patio or deck. That wouldn't be painful.

Anyway, the appointment is over. Now it's just a matter of wait and see. 7 to 10 days for the results, so that would make it somewhere between November 20th and the 24th.

Keep your fingers crossed. Or better yet, Keep me in your prayers.